I am a Republican. I always vote for the best candidate.

Why treat a wife with such disrespect?

Resulting from a computer system snafu I recently received copies of a load of emails that were not mine.  I knew the man who was receiving them. To my surprise many were correspondences from women other than his wife.  As I read a few of them, I was sad for the spouse, very sad. Why be married, have children and live a life of infidelity in the eyes of both the civil law and spiritual faith? I do not understand and will never believe that someone has to “surrender” to sexual temptation. When I witness this behavior it seems nothing more than complete selflessness on the part of the participants.  In the emails I read some of the other women knew the man was married with children and actually thanked him for the relationship. A woman lessens her self worth by thanking a man for participating in infidelity.  Also a man that practices infidelity lowers himself to a level of worthlessness.

So I continue to ponder, “Why?”  Any police detective will tell you, “It’s Motive and Opportunity.” As for the motive, men cheat when they are unsatisfied with the companionship or sex in their existing relationship - i.e. their current partner is not doing the job. No shortage of opportunity in Asia – Bar girls. The problem here is twofold, a man’s unwillingness to discuss companionship and sex openly with his wife. And, engaging in sex outside the marriage invites health issues into the family.  

The question “Why men cheat” has to be one of the most pondered over questions of our time.  With the seemingly daily reports of the latest greatest cheating fiascos involving males that you would least expect such as Jesse Jackson, Bill Clinton, Kobe Bryant, Jude Law, Bill Cosby and numerous others, today’s women (and men depending on sexual preferences…but you didn’t hear that from me) have a right to be a little alarmed.  Why are all of these so-called happily married men risking losing their families and livelihoods for a few minutes of ‘outside lovin’?

In order to get to the bottom of cheating, I have to go way back, back in the day when Adam and Eve…ok, not that far back, but at least back to childhood and the values that parents taught.  If you were a girl, your mother probably raised you to be matronly.  Your lessons would involve learning to cook, learning to clean, learning to care for your younger brothers and sisters and so on and so forth.  While you were up to your neck in womanly duties, the boys were probably in the next room watching football with their fathers learning a very different lesson: divide and conquer.  They may have even been issued one of those cool pocketknives that are allegedly for doing manly things.

Aside from the fact that boys and girls aren’t raised with the same values of family, marriage and commitment, we live in a world where there are so many choices and opportunities to do whatever we please.  Compare it to a buffet.  Why would a man stick with the chicken wings if he were taught to answer the calls of the steak and the fish that are winking at him from a few bins over?  Basically, there is someone out there waiting to fulfill whatever pleasures a person may have.  Let’s say a man’s life at home is getting a little stale, meaning his wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, (or sheep in some cases) isn’t willing to try new things.  Chances are, there is a female at his job, attending his church, or living next door that welcomes new challenges.  Beyonce’s backup singer, Kelly, said it best, “whatever I’m not fulfilling, another woman is willing” and before you know it your babysitter is catering to your man.

So how do you choose a man that won’t ultimately pursue other opportunities?  Since we are all have free will, there are no foolproof ways to ensure fidelity, but there are several common sense approaches to selecting a man that is less likely to step out on your relationship. Here are my findings (I am a man, therefore I claim expertise on this subject matter):

How you get him, may be how you loose him. 

If you woo the man of your dreams from the arms of another, chances are, he may be open to being wooed again in the future.  It’s my belief that there are too many eligible singles out there to set your sights on someone that is involved with someone else.  However, if you choose to risk investing time and energy into someone that already has a companion, then you are probably at the greatest risk of falling victim to the hurt of dealing with a cheater.

Don’t try to change him. 

If you are interested in someone who isn’t ready to settle down for whatever reason, don’t get it into your head that you can change that.  Also, don’t call yourself sticking around until he’s ready.  If he does end up becoming involved with you because of your prompting, he may not be totally happy with his choice of commitment to you.  This doesn’t always mean that his unhappiness settling down before he was ready will ensure that he will cheat, but oftentimes this is a recipe for disaster.

Keep it fresh and new. 

When your man comes to you with new ideas or things he wants to try with you, don’t be so quick to say “NO!”  Unless it compromises your morals, self-worth or pride, trying new things isn’t always a bad idea.  Oftentimes after dating or being married for a considerable amount of time, we tend to get comfortable.  We quit making those daily trips to the gym.  We stop trying to find out Victoria’s Secret.  Basically, the love life becomes comparable to repeatedly having left-overs.  Give your man a reason to want to come home to you at the end of the day.  Surprise him with a new hairdo.  Turn on the game for him.  Take him out for nights on the town…where YOU pay!!!!  Rent some movies and learn some new moves…on the dance floor of course, what were you thinking?  Ensure that he knows how much you love and appreciate him.  Find new ways to express your feelings.

Make his interest your interest. 

Although sitting in front of a three-hour football game may be some females’ version of a slow and painful death, try to show interest in the things your man is interested in.  If he likes going out to the club or bar every now and then, don’t be so quick to send him alone.  Situations like these give other females on the prowl a chance to pounce on your man.  Frequent interludes with these women may make him more vulnerable to opportunities that wouldn’t have been presented had you been there.  This doesn’t mean that you have to be joined at the hip, but it does require a little effort on your part.  Even if you have to take a No Doze before asking how his day was at work, show interest by asking anyway.  And even if you don’t watch the game with him, ask him a question or two about what you know or don’t know about sports.  This shows him that although you won’t be voted fan of the year any time soon, you don’t mind the time he devotes to things he enjoys.

Those are just a few examples of things you can do to ensure that you won’t be the latest victim of a cheating man.  Honestly, the rules change on a case-by-case basis.  You should know your companion better than anyone, his likes and dislikes, and should be able to evaluate your situation and make the appropriate changes, if any, necessary to ensure the happiness of your man in your relationship.  Always remember that no matter how many years may pass, your relationship should always be young, fresh and new. 

Take it from me; you’ll be happier in the long run (including and most importantly, the afterlife).

Lastly, as for what a man can do to select and keep his wife, I’ll just write two things are for sure, open and honest communications, and no infidelity.  I’m fairly positive there's more similar to what I have written above that can also be done, but I will leave this topic for a woman’s expertise to comment on.

Good Luck!!!

"Thanks for reading, thinks for visiting."

Copyright © 2012 by Palmer Pinckney II 

The military-civilian 'disconnect'

From: POLITICO

By: Philip Ewing
February 20, 2011 05:24 PM EDT 



Spouses of service members are badly stressed from years of long deployments — so stressed that some have taken their own lives. Children who’ve had a parent away at war for almost their entire conscious lives are leaving home to go off to college. And the troops themselves continue to struggle with substance abuse, post-traumatic stress, and devastating physical and mental wounds.

Some of Washington’s top national security leaders are worried that Americans don’t know — or worse, don’t care.


Top Defense Department officials and other leaders began talking quietly last year about a “gap” or “split” between the military and the general population. But in recent weeks, they’ve been expressing those concerns more often and more boldly.

Former House Armed Services Committee Chairman Ike Skelton (D-Mo.), who lost his seat in Congress in November, warned early this month that “those who protect us are psychologically divorced from those who are being protected.”

Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, told House lawmakers on Wednesday that there’s a “growing disconnect between the American people and the military.” The public knows generically that their troops are at war, but “the day to day connections are less than they used to be, the depth and breadth of who we are and what we’re doing, isn’t there.”

It’s not a recruiting problem: All four services continue to hit or exceed their goals each year. It’s a perception problem: The wars, the military and its sacrifices are just not on most Americans’ minds, many top commanders and officials believe.

How could the U.S. military fight for almost a decade and yet drift away from — not closer toward — the public consciousness? And just how divorced from the realities of today’s military is the general public?

A smaller military, one that depends less on junior newcomers than on highly trained, professional volunteers, means fewer Americans have a diminishing number of relatives or friends who serve, Defense Secretary Robert Gates has said. And even though, by one measure, American troops have now been fighting in Afghanistan longer than they did in Vietnam, today’s anti-war movement is much smaller and less visible, perhaps in part because young people don’t have to worry about being drafted.

Plus, there are technological factors: The military has become so good at protecting and keeping alive its troops that many more of them can make multiple deployments than ever before, Mullen said in a Feb. 7 speech. Thanks to today’s advanced, protected vehicles, he said, some 98 percent of troops who survive roadside bomb attacks in Afghanistan return to battle . State-of-the-art first aid and medical care also have saved the lives of many troops whose wounds might have killed them in earlier conflicts. Thus, even though, with 711 American losses, last year was the deadliest for American troops since the beginning of the Afghanistan war, it might have been twice or three times worse in the eras of Vietnam or Korea — and as such, would have made a bigger impression on average Americans.

Americans also take cues from political leaders, who have mostly chosen not to discuss Iraq and Afghanistan over the past several months, except for occasional sessions such as last week’s congressional hearings on the defense budget. The 2010 midterm elections passed with almost no debate on Iraq or Afghanistan. According to an analysis by Time magazine, President Barack Obama used the fewest words on national security in last month’s State of the Union address since President George W. Bush’s first such speech in 2001.

It’s tough to quantify just how “disconnected” Americans are, because the issue can depend on something as simple as a matter of distance — in a city like San Diego, for example, with several installations and heavy economic dependence on the military, people may be more aware about the toll of the wars than in, say, Los Angeles, which has a much smaller military presence.
To be sure, poll after poll shows that even as popular support wavers for the wars, Americans consistently say they “support the troops,” and in a Rasmussen poll released earlier this month, 65 percent of voters surveyed said they believe the U.S. military is the most powerful in the world.
The first living Medal of Honor recipient of the 21st century, Staff Sgt. Sal Giunta, was honored at the Super Bowl, and it seems as though every big-league sporting event now includes a mandatory ovation for a featured group of returning troops.

But Mullen and others have said this is, at best, a superficial acknowledgment. “We … can’t kid ourselves,” he said in a speech last year. “As much as our young men and women appreciate the gestures of kindness we see today in tribute to our military and our veterans, a free ticket to a football game or a pat on the back will not solve their problems.”

There is plenty of anecdotal evidence of the drift. Hollywood movies about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan tend to tank at the box office. When the Navy created its ad campaign, “America’s Navy: A Global Force For Good,” one of its top goals was informing young people that America still had a Navy. And fewer young people than ever, in today’s more sedentary generation, have what it takes to even consider joining the force: A December report by DOD found that nearly a quarter of applicants couldn’t pass the exam, and earlier studies have said some 75 percent of recruit-age Americans are ineligible to join the military because they aren’t fit enough or have had problems with crime and drugs.

By comparison, not only did many more Americans serve in earlier eras, their idols did, too. When Gates gave his first major speech on the “split” in September, he cited the examples of Elvis Presley and Willie Mays, both of whom took a break from their careers to serve in the Army. Baseball fans lament that Red Sox great Ted Williams may have missed what could have been his most productive slugging years because of his service in World War II and Korea.

Gates, Mullen and others usually conclude their warnings about the civil-military divide by listing ways they hope Americans will help the 1 million or so troops who have served in Iraq and Afghanistan. For example, Mullen wants government and private-sector employers to give preference, or at least an equal shot, to veterans looking for jobs. He has also warned that Americans must be prepared for decades’ worth of support to keep today’s veterans from becoming homeless in the numbers that the military saw after Vietnam.

And now that the Pentagon is in the midst of repealing its ban on open service by gays and lesbians, President Barack Obama has called on elite colleges to restore their Reserve Officer Training Corps programs and to again admit military recruiters, so that Ivy League students may take a bigger share of military service.

Obama, first lady Michelle Obama, Vice President Joe Biden and his wife, Jill, also have become involved in a public awareness campaign for troops’ families, which has included Michelle Obama’s visits to Fort Jackson, S.C., and to the Oprah Winfrey show. Mullen praised that kind of high-level attention, which he said might be the key to binding Americans back to their troops.

“It’s one thing for the chairman and his wife to do it,” he said, referring to himself. “It’s a whole ‘nother level for the president and first lady to do this … this issue of connecting America with the realities of what we’ve been through.”

"Thanks for reading, thanks for visiting."

My final words to SEVENTH Fleet

About Me

I am married for more than 15 years to my beloved wife Barbara.  We have two children, our older daughter Savanna Nicole, now married, living in California and completing college. Our younger son Logan Maximus, a typical fun loving kid who reads ferociously like his dad and enjoys all sorts of board and video games.  I am an active duty Navy Chief Petty Officer recently returning to the U.S. from Japan to serve as an instructor at the Defense Information Schools located at Fort Meade Army Post. Here I teach armed forces professionals the art of communications and public affairs.  I have a passion for teaching. I am a devout Catholic, born in Oakland, California and raised in the faith.  I am also a trained Lector having graduated from the Diocese of San Diego Lector course. In April 2012 I earn my bachelors degree in Business Administration from Chapman University.

Lastly, my three favorite conversations to have are Faith, Family and Finances. 

I look forward to meeting you.

Thanks for reading, thanks for visiting.